Arsenal end the year at the top of the Premier League but Leicester City are level on points after holding off Manchester City - here are the top performers from the midweek games...
LAUTECHPASSWORD is a blog that offers you the latest trends on campus and across the globe. Every minutes activities are recorded here!
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Ozil stars in Premier League Team of Midweek
Soldiers molesting S-East, S-South travellers at Onitsha bridge – Ohanaeze
UMUAHIA—OHANAEZE Youth Council has condemned what it called molesting of Easterners travelling home for Christmas and new year celebrations at Onitsha Head Bridge, Anambra State allegedly by soldiers from the 302 Battalion of the Nigerian army in Onitsha.
Army
In a statement by the National President of the Council, Mazi Okechukwu, the council said: “The officers and men of the 302 Battalion of the Nigerian Army at Onitsha appear to have a different agenda in that town. They appear to be there for [alleged] ethnic cleansing.
“In the past one month, these raw soldiers have [allegedly] killed more than 20 unarmed Igbo youths. This time around, they waylay Igbos returning home for Christmas and New Year holidays and rough-handle a lot of them.
“We can no longer tolerate this brazen act on our own land. We are neither at war nor a conquered people. Mr. President should intervene in this matter before it turns into another thing. We have the right to protect the dignity of our people.
“The army is provoking us by their brazen acts in the South East and South South. We hope there is no cabal in the Nigerian Army that is pursuing an ethnic agenda and cleansing against Ndigbo.”
A-Ibom Assembly elects first female Deputy Speaker
Uyo—THE lawmaker representing Okobo state constituency and Chair Person, House Committee on Women Affairs and Social Welfare Matters, Mrs. Felicia Bassey, has been elected the Deputy Speaker of Akwa Ibom State House of Assembly.
Akwa-Ibom Deputy Speaker, Felicia Bassey
In a statement in Uyo, yesterday, the Chief Press Secretary to the Speaker, Mr. Kufre Okon, said Bassey emerged the first female Deputy Speaker during Tuesday’s plenary, to replace the former Deputy Speaker, Mr. Effiong Bassey, representing Oron/Udung Uko state constituency, whose election was nullified last week by the Appeal Court in Abuja.
It added that the Speaker, Mr. Onofiok Luke, who administered the oath of office on the new Deputy Speaker charged her to live up to the expectation of the sixth Assembly while discharging her legislative duties.
The statement added that other members who spoke after the plenary described her new office as well deserved, and expressed confidence in her ability to discharge the functions of the office optimally.
Meanwhile, the 2016 Appropriation Bill presented before the House by Governor Udom Emmanuel last Tuesday has passed its second reading on the floor of the House and has been referred to the House Committee on Appropriation and Finance for necessary action.
According to the statement, the lawmakers after deliberating on the general principles and content of the bill concluded that the financial expertise in the structuring of the 2016 budget amidst ongoing economic challenges in the country was laudable.
They added: “The composition of the 2016 budget sent to the House by the Executive reflects that the administration of Governor Emmanuel is truly committed to its industrialization agenda for Akwa Ibom State.”
And as the legislative arm of government, we will make sure that the budget when approved is fully implemented in the interested of our people.”
It added that the Speaker, Luke commended the decision of members on the provisions of the budget, adding, “I want to assure Akwa Ibom people that the sixth Assembly is ready to pass a budget which will reflect their wishes and yearnings.”
Petrol to sell for N85 per litre from Jan 1’
PORT HARCOURT – The Federal government is set to reduce the pump price of petrol to about 85 or 86 naira per litre.
Minister of State for Petroleum , Dr Ibe Kachikwu who disclosed this during a tour of the Port Harcourt refinery on Christmas Day expressed hope that the new price regime may come on stream January next year.
He said efforts were on to get the refinery to achieve 60 percent production capacity and to supply about 11 million liters of petrol daily.
“If you look at the new PPPRA template that we developed and which I just signed off two days ago, when it is announced you will find out that for now ,and I use the emphatic word of the President for now, the price of the refined product will actually be lower than 87 naira, It will be 85. We will probably announce that in January if the prices hold.
“like I said, we have done a modulation calculation and it is showing us below N87. I imagine that if PPPRA publishes it today, it will become effective immediately. But the 1st of January that is when we are looking at.”
“What that does for you is that its modulating. If it goes up you move up, if it comes down you come down. So we take away the fact of having to go find funds to pay for these subsidies that we cannot afford.
“More importantly we try to be as close to the pump price that we have now as possible,” he said.
Kachikwu who is also the Group Managing Director, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, NNPC said government had resolved to scrap oil subsidy because of alleged fraud around it.
“So for the first time people will understand that the pricing modulation I was talking about is not a gimmick. It is for real. The objective is that we cannot afford to continue to subsidize .We can’t even understand where those subsidies were going to. There is a lot of fraud elements in it so we need to cut that of.
The second is the earning capacity of the Federal Government is deteriorating by the day with lower prices of crude “, he said.
He also said there was improvement in security of pipelines with the engagement of private contractors by the federal government.
Monday, 28 December 2015
LAUTECH RECORDED DEATH OF ANOTHER FEMALE STUDENT TODAY! - OH GOD!!!(400L SLT)
Yet another death recorded in LAUTECH for the department of SLT. Oma she o. This is Jane a 400L student is SLT which is said to have been on the sick bed since the 26th of this month, she gave up the ghost today
RIP Jane, may God forgive ur sins and grant u a peaceful home..
Its such a great loss to LAUTECH again....
Lord deliver us as this is too common in levels 3and 4 in this school
- Ennykings
General Kayboi...
Saturday, 26 December 2015
LAUTECH LOST ANOTHER TWO STUDENTS - SO SO SAD!!!
FRANK & FELIX DEATH ; WHAT AN INSTITUTIONAL PAIN
DEATH, HOW MEAN THOU ART!.- FRANK DEATH!!!
It is with heaviness of heart that I inform you of the passing away of a rara gem in person of Bamidele Frank, a fresh 400L student of the department of Science Laboratory Technology.
We are mourning your death frank, wondering why you couldn't be a part of our future. Uncontrollable tears stream down our face, while our heart beat starts to race. Asking God why he took you from our midsts, your death is more painful than stabbing one in the heart with a knife. How would it have been if the whole LAUTECH community was celebrating your success and not your death. Your death came as a shock to me as I was only getting to know you before you fell sick. I can vividly remember our conversation & tutorial on SLT 301, 305 & STA 207. Our talk about ME making you proud when I become president. Short of words!.. Indeed life is vanity upon vanity!!!.
We will miss you more and more everyday and in our heart you shall forever remain.
If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I did walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. But God knows best.
My heartfelt condolences to your family, I can imagine the depth of pain caused by your untimely death BUT I pray they find comfort in the words of the Lord. May God give them the fortitude to bear the loss.
Good night Bamidele Frank.
©May your soul rest in PEACE in the feet of the ALMIGHTY.
---REPORT FROM COM. PHYNEST
ONE DIED YESTERDAY AND THE OTHER DIED A DAY BEFORE!!!
Argh! Death is a tremendous incident !
Why is this life all about risk?
To come to this world is risk
To be nurtured up to puberty age is risk
To write waec or neco is risk,
To write jamb is risk,
To write post jamb is risk,
To gain admission is risk,
To graduate is risk,
To invest is risk.
yet, death was never kind to frank and felix. it took their lives away in this ember month without notice. When both were planning towards 2016, the stupor of death truncated their lives. This life seems not secured, as no one can predict what would happen within a twinkle of an eye. It's a pain within pain, evanescence and loss that the school lost two soul in this ember month.
The effort and investment of parent to make them become great in life is wasted. Would there be any other things to replace the irreplaceable? No! Their demise has made the apparent of the immanence of our own death, there's no way to avoid or avert it.
Where is the last bus top ? This question never cease from me. It keep resonating every seconds in my mind. I no not may be it will be in Nigeria or other country. I don't even know how it will happen nor be aware of it nearness. I find it very difficult to heave a sigh of relief whenever I heard of people's death. Why? Is because death know no age, tribe or gender. It gives no notification before it takes over people's life. It knows not that am still hustling and struggling to make it In life. It never acknowledge the fact that there has never been a year past without darkness. Argh! Death is a tremendous incident. The stupor is real.
#Life is all about risk
Or is there any one here that never fear death? If so, then I won't be seeing u typing amen to the following prayer ; may God save us from untimely death, may he save us from the torment of hell fire, may he spare our live for many years on earth.. did I hear you say "AMEN"?
May God give their parent the fortitude to bear the loss
Frank is a 400 level student from SLT while felix is a potential 400 level student from Pure and Applied BIOLOGY.
---REPORT FROM LAUTECH MOUTHPIECE!!!
GENERAL KAYBOI...
Friday, 18 December 2015
Who Has The Hottest BabyMama, Wizkid, Olamide Or Davido? [photos]
We present to you all the baby mamas of Wizkid, Olamide and Davido…… Who has the hottest baby mama, Check the photos and comment below:
1. Wizkid’s Baby Mama
2. Davido’s Baby Mama
3. Olamide’s Baby Mama
That Moment When You Have To Woo A Lady In Pidgin Language. - Romance
Have you ever been in a situation where you met a drop dead gorgeous sweet sexy looking babe just to start a convo using polished grammar and she is full of smiles listening to you and after your epistle she answers and says "horesly i no no wettin you dey talk since"
I am the type of dude who cares less about your grammatical prowess as a lady as long as i like what i see because i believe she can develop herself and im beginning to see some prospects in wooing with pidgin English or vernacular when go to the village this december.
There are many super fresh sweet sexy looking ladies who can't speak good grammar at all and you can see this set even among the "graduates". Many phonetics speaking guys don lose some babes that feel so inferior...these ladies usually want to relate with men who they feel are in the same category with them even when they are approached by guys with good command of English,they will never want to go out with such and i see this as unfair.
Some ladies have also had their fair share of guys wooing them and speaking heart shattering grammar with so much confidence.
What shall it profit me to lose a super sexy chic because of her bad English? Na grammar i go dey rock for bed?
I don't know if any guy or lady reading this have been in such situation but i would like to know what other guys and ladies think about this.
As a guy would you rather prefer a super sexy lady that can not speak good English or one with no sex appealing features who can speak more than the Prof Wole shoyinkas of this world? And for the ladies would you mind to be with a hot sexy dude who keeps making grammatical blunders?
Over to you guys
Davido, B-Red And Trey Songz Strike A Pose - Celebrities
Snail Facials: Ladies, How Far Will You Go To Look Beautiful? - Fashion
Dbanj And Charley Boy Pictured Together - Celebrities
Superstar Dbanj aka Banga Lee took to instagram to share this cute picture with the area father himself Charley Boy Opera aka 'the area father'.
Eja Nla captioned it "Guess who I ran into, the godfather Charley Boy"
Thank God there is no studio nearby because e no get who dbanj no go feature these days.
Me thinks their body contact is too much, what do I know tho
https://www.instagram.com/p/_cHSayoNsy/
https://www.instagram.com/p/_cHSayoNsy/
Chika Ike Stuns At WFM Radio Launch (photos) - Celebrities
The actress looked stylish in Burgandy red for the launch of W.Cm, a new female radio station in Lagos. Classy! See photos below...
Monday, 14 December 2015
Al-Qaeda, ISIS sponsorship: Retract now or…Buhari warns Fani-Kayode
Abuja – The All Progressives Congress Presidential Campaign Organisation (APCCO) has threatened to sue presidential spokesperson Femi Fani-Kayode, for claiming that General Muhammadu Buhari is getting funding for his election campaign from terrorist groups, such as the outlawed Boko Haram, Al-Qaeda and ISIS.
In a statement in Abuja, Saturday, the APCPCO accused the Director of Media of the PDP’s presidential campaign of perpetuating the religious politics that his principal, President Goodluck Jonathan is well known for, giving him one week to retract his defamatory comments or face the law.
“Never before in Nigeria’s history has the issue of religion been applied to such sinister purposes as we have seen during the years of President Jonathan’s government,” said Malam Garba Shehu, Director of Media and Publicity of the APCPCO. “When all fails, they whip out the religious card.”
However, Malam Shehu expressed relief that Nigerians were no more being fooled by what he called “this PDP game”. According to him, General Buhari has transcended all the religious smears and, together with his running mate, Yemi Osinbajo, who is a respected pastor, has been able to show the Nigerian people that Nigeria’s growth and development is not about religion, but about a genuine desire to change the lot of the country’s citizens and move the entire nation forward.
Fani- Kayode and General Muhammadu Buhari
“A majority of the world’s Muslims, including Buhari, do not approve of the Al-Qaeda, and being Muslim does not translate into being pro-ISIS,” Malam Shehu added. “Again and again, Buhari has shown commitment to ridding our country of these vermin who claim to be killing in the name of Allah, but who, in actual fact, are messengers of Satan.”
The statement gave advanced warning that when the APC takes the matter of Fani-Kayode’s baseless and libellous claims to the court next week, the Party will ask that the PDP spokesperson’s international passport be impounded by way of injunction.
“There are some campaigners who obviously intend to escape from Nigeria after the handover of government from Jonathan to Buhari on May 29. That must be the reason why they can boldly make many of the reckless, irresponsible and defamatory statements that they have been mouthing off so flippantly throughout this campaign season. Either that or these people do not believe in our country’s judicial system. They don’t believe that one day; it will catch up with them.”
The APCCO further warned that it would not extend the seven-day deadline given to Fani-Kayode to retract his false allegations.
FG planning to arrest APC leaders — Tinubu
I
*We are confident of victory—Buhari
*How Jonathan starved governors of funds—Aregbesola
*Jonathan lied on his achievements—Fashola
By Olasunkanmi Akoni & Monsuru Olowoopejo
NATIONAL Leader of All Progressives Congress, APC, and former Governor of Lagos State, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, yesterday, said Federal Government was planning to arrest leaders of his party ahead of Saturday’s election.
Declaring that he was ready for arrest, Tinubu, who spoke at the 7th Annual Bola Tinubu Colloquium in Lagos to mark his 63rd birthday, said the plot will not silence him.
Insisting that APC had a better ticket in Major-General Muhammadu Buhari (retd) and Professor Yemi Osinbajo than the President Goodluck Jonathan and Vice President Namadi Sambo team of Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, Tinubu said despite the postponement of the polls by six weeks, President Jonathan will still lose the election.
According to him the postponement is “a stay of execution for Jonathan administration.”
APC leader, Bola Tinubu
The event was attended by a galaxy of APC leaders and stalwarts, including National Chairman, Chief John Oyegun; former Interim National Chairman, Chief Bisi Akande; former Governor of Ekiti and Osun states. Dr. Kayode Fayemi and Segun Oni, respectively; wife of Ogun State Governor, Mrs Olufunsho Amosun; mother of the Vice Presidential candidate, Mrs Bisi Osinbajo; Prof Pat Utomi and Chief Lanre Rasaq.
Tinubu spoke as Governor Aregbesola accused President Jonathan of starving governors of funds just as Governor Fashola said the President lied on his achievements in the last five years.
Buhari reacts
Speaking at the event, Buhari said the seamless manner APC merger was consummated and the pedigree and long-time service of the leaders will yield electoral dividends for the party.
He said: “This was possible because of their personal service in their constituencies. They have served people so much that they have developed so much confidence in them.
“Though there have been previous mergers but they never materialized. And the most interesting thing is that we looked at the opposition parties, and we realized that none of them can compete with PDP.
“And during the merger, some of the parties had court cases that could delay the merger. So we constituted committees in each of the parties and they provided their terms of references. And I was told by Chief Bisi Akande that some of the parties are demanding for certain positions. But I said that the most important thing is that the merger must works. And after that, we will sit down and decide on each demand.
“All my previous attempt to defeat PDP ended up at the Supreme Court. But with this merger, we have done the right job. With the merger, we are witnessing progresses and come Saturday, we will succeed at the polls by God’s grace.”
Why I can’t pay salaries – Aregbesola
Aregbesola attributed his delay in the payment of five months’ salary arrears to Osun civil servants to “the economic strategy adopted by President Jonathan to shrink the monthly revenue of the state.”
Aregbesola lamented that the economic policy of the Federal Government had forced the state to take a loan of N12 billion from banks.
His words: “The reason for indicting the President was that when I assumed office in 2010, I met a state with an income of N2.1 billion and with a wage bill of N1.1 billion.
“Outside Lagos, Osun State is the next state with large number of civil servants under the state employ. By 2012 January, my wage bill jumped to N3.6 billion and at this time, the revenue of the state had increased to N4.6 billion.
Central government
“And do not forget that the state inherited 50 percent of the entire civil servants in the old Western states. But by July of 2013, the apex government announced an unusual decline in allocation to the state which was about 40 percent. So from N4.6 billion* with which I could meet the
**Some msgs cut++
Sorry for any inconvenience... It will be corrected sooner
Final year student mudered in Ondo varsity
Akure—A part four Psychology student of the Ondo State owned Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba-Akoko, Olumuyiwa Ewarawon, has been allegedly murdered by a suspected para-military organization operating in the University.
While the University authorities responded by proscribing all para-military organizations in the institution, it was reported late yesterday that two of the suspects had been arrested.
The deceased according to report was the only son of his aged mother.
It was gathered that the deceased, who lived in a private hostel outside the school campus, was reportedly attacked by suspected cadet officers.
However, the family of the deceased is insisting that the culprits who allegedly killed their son should be made to face the wrath of the law.
Late Olumuyiwa Ewarawon.
The family in a petition to the Ondo State Commissioner of Police, Mike Ogbodu, filed by the counsel to the deceased’s father, Chief Goodluck Ibitoye Ewarawon, alleged that Olumuyiwa was attacked in his room at Shanghai Hostel in Akungba by the armed gang of seven boys under the guise of being student cadet officers.
The counsel to the family, Olufemi Meduoye, said: “The armed assailants broke into Olumuyiwa’s room while he was asleep and attacked him, thereafter, brutalized, bruised and inflicted on him fatal injuries from which he fell into coma.
“The gang dumped Olumuyiwa’s body at the General Hospital, Iwarooka Akoko before good samaritans brought the incident to the attention of the family three days later.”
They said they took the comatose body of Olumuyiwa from the hospital to Trauma Centre Ondo which instantly referred the case to Obafemi Awolowo University Teaching Hospital, Ile-Ife.
The family said the boy never came out of coma and died later in the hospital.
They urged the Commissioner of Police to use his good office to ensure a full investigation of the murder of Olumuyiwa by the suspected Cadet Officers.
Also, they asked the authorities of the institution to look at the activities of some armed gang who operated under the guise of para-military to attack members of the public.
The family also asked the security forces and the state government to be alert to the activities of such organizations with a view to protecting the lives of innocent citizens.
The Police Image Maker, Femi Joseph, who confirmed the incident said that the suspect is on the run and that detectives are on his trail.
He, however, assured that the suspect would soon be apprehended and made to face the law court.
Tehn Is Calling All School Leavers To Apply For 2015/16 TNRI Scholarship - Education
Are you a school leaver?
Are you or your parents experiencing some sort of financial difficulties?
Are you of good character with goals of getting a quality university degree?
If you can answer yes to the 3 questions above then this is the chance you've been waiting for.
The Nigerian Renaissance Initiative Scholarship has been set up by an anonymous donor to run every year so as to enable school leavers with university ambitions that would have otherwise not been able to achieve their educational aspirations due to financial constraints.
Application is open to all so if you know someone or you can say yes to the 3 questions then please send in your applications.
Applicants are to email the committee a 400 worded essay on how technology has changed their lives. The essays should be forwarded to => ehelpersnetwork@gmail.com
ehelpersnetwork@gmail.com
7 Ways To Know You Are An Ugly Girl - Jokes
#1. Ugly girls will tag 95
people in a pic and still get 2 likes, Probably
from her family members
#2. When a group of
girls wanna take a pic,
they hand over the
camera to her..if you're
that girl, then you're ugly
#3. If no guy has ever
paid your transport fare in a public bus,
then you
have to do something about your looks
#4. Whenever there is
drama rehearsals in
your church, they always select you to play
the role
of a witch, vampire or
demon
#5. Most girls with
sweet names on fb like "mo cute","pinky
Berry","dope Diva
Queen","Nicky" are usually very ugly
#6. Ugly girls won't
even like this post cause they are angry
with me
right now for exposing them
#7Add yours
No be so?
Common Foods Around Us And Their Health Benefits
Most of the natural foods found around us have immense health benefits. The foods we eat determines to a great extent, how healthy we live. Here are some common natural foods ith their health benefits.
1. Natural Honey: Natural honey is secreted by bees. It is consumed by humans and in most cases used as substitute for sugar in foods. Honey is reach in energy. It fights allergies. Honey helps wounds heal fast. Honey also helps digestion and guards against ulcer.
2. Green Tea: Green tea works as natural cleanser to the body. It fights bacteria, fights cancer, promotes weight loss, protects the heart and fights stroke.
3. Oats: Oat meal helps the body to fight cancer and diabetes. It's fibre content helps to prevent constipation. Oats lowers cholesterol and smoothens the skin.
4.Tomatoes: Tomatoes protects the heart, fights cancer, protects prostate and lowers cholesterol.
5. Onions: Onions works as body cleanser, has anti-bacterial and anti-fungal effect in the body, fights cancer, lowers cholesterol and reduces risk of heart attack.
6. Pineapple: Pineapple helps prevent diarrhea, aids digestion, fights cold and strengthens the bones.
7. Watermelon: Watermelon aids blood circulation, prevents stroke, lowers cholesterol, promotes weight loss and protects prostate.
8. Garlic: Garlic is a good natural antibiotic and body cleanser. It lowers cholesterol, fights cancer and controls blood pressure.
9. Fish: Fish boosts memory, protects the heart, fights cancer, and boosts the immune system.
10: Wheat: Wheat aids digestion, prevents constipation, lowers cholesterol, prevents stroke and fights colon cancer.
Poem: Why Am I Afraid? - Literature by javablaze®™
Alone with my thought,I keep wondering
Don't really get myself,I keep myself asking
Have said I won't but I always catch myself
Why am I afraid,I keep asking myself
Is it past mistakes that can't be corrected?
Is it Life of free today,tomorrow wanted?
Is it dark and its darkness?
I know not if it is light and its whiteness.
Is it something in me?
Or because I can see not the incoming pyramid of tribulations?
Afraid that if it happened,I won't find solution?
What may come before nightfall is fearing me?
Afraid! Why am I afraid?
And in life,what worth afraid?
That makes me fright at the passage of rats that calls at nights
That makes me stone-dead at the clash of two metals when all are silent
What am I escaping when I tide myself with my bed's clothes?
Is it because,as myth says,genies and jinns who wear no clothes?
I know not,I know not what worth fear
Trying to be calm and compose and fear only Fear
Is it good and its darkness?
Is it evil and its lightness?
But still I catch myself afraid
Oh! Why am I afraid?
Why Men Will Continue To Be Babies In The Hands Of Women! - Romance
In the battle of the sexes one advantage women will always have over the men is their boobs! Simple as it is. it is very comical how seemingly intelligent men turn into whimpering teenage boys at the sight of a well-stacked women. I thought I’d heard and seen everything for and against the mammary gland until recently when I was in the midst of ‘matured’ men who amused themselves by analysing the aqnatomy of fremale gtuests at a wedding.
“What’s so special about a pair of boobs?”I asked Supo, one of these men. He had bragged he was strictly a boobs man. Actually, most men do.I agreed with him, swearing that a woman without `more bounce to the once’, has virtually lost her femininity! “Are you serious?” he wanted to know. “Do you know of any other
aphrodisiac that’s been around since God created man that generates as much excitement as a pair of boobs? It is not as if they’ve suddenly arrived out of nowhere you know? All warm. All soft. And pleasing to touch! New toys for the beautiful generations to play with! To make it more interesting, you get them in various
shapes and sizes.
“My fIrst fascination with boobs started in my second year in secondary school. I was only 14 then and our housemaid allowed me to do it to her. She must have noticed me lusting after her and decided to take me out of my misery! There I was. a pubescent boy confronted with a pair of bosoms. She was huge. Just huge! I had never seen a pair of boobs like hers in all my life. And I’d seen my mother’s and my elder sister’s. Her own (the maid’s) just bulged from everywhere. Over. Under, Between. Great trembling folds of flesh like a set jelly that you shake around. Terrific! You could put your head between them and blot out the world!
“She never bothered to keep them under wraps either. always throwing open her wrapper to re-tie! She taught me how to hold them. Kiss them. the biggest ice cream ever invented! It was years later that I wondered where she learnt the tricks from – my dad or my brother? Like I said. the housemaid made sure that I enjoyed the wonder of her boobs. She wriggled as I eagerly followed her lead. The heat of the excitement I felt sent a shock right through my school-boy’s body. I was a man. I had made it! Her buba opened and wrapper tossed aside with careless abandon. I held my first whole woman cushion against my chest and I was drunk with lust.
“And I think I hung on to her breasts all the way through my bumbling sex act. Hung on like my whole life depended on it. Eyes screwed tight and shut in ecstatic wonder, I had absolutely no technique. But we got by. From that day on. I was hooked. I stole food and money for her and gladly helped with some of her chores – and she was generously grateful! Muti (that’s the maid’s name), wherever you are today. I thank you for my first launch through space. Since her. and that was a couple of decades back. I’d been hooked on boobs. If you haven’t got them. forget it. Having no boobs is like having a bottle of wine without a cork-screw – how do you get to enjoy the wine?”
In case you men out there have conveniently forgotten. boobs are not really for your benefits, you know? Actually, they are to nourish your offsprings into responsible adults.’ Instead of latching on to your partner’s boobs all of the time, consider the poor mite
for whose sole purpose the boobs are intended.
“I’m a boobs man” Ike, a mechanical engineer bragged. ‘and when my wife had our first son, I became jealous of him. Her boobs were fun and oozing milk and he was attached to her chest, sucking away with careless abandon. Could breast milk be tastier than the milk we all knew? Why was the baby in such rapture – over his milk? I was itching to find out. That night. I crawled up to my wife in bed. sort out her boobs and tried sucking them as our son did, hoping to get as much pleasure as he did from her milk. “Yuck!,
the milk tasted very unpalatable and I almost spit it
In the battle of the sexes one advantage women will always have over the men is their boobs! Simple as it is. it is very comical how seemingly intelligent men turn into whimpering teenage boys at the sight of a well-stacked women. I thought I’d heard and seen everything for and against the mammary gland until recently when I was in the midst of ‘matured’ men who amused themselves by analysing the aqnatomy of fremale gtuests at a wedding.
“What’s so special about a pair of boobs?”I asked Supo, one of these men. He had bragged he was strictly a boobs man. Actually, most men do.I agreed with him, swearing that a woman without `more bounce to the once’, has virtually lost her femininity! “Are you serious?” he wanted to know. “Do you know of any other
aphrodisiac that’s been around since God created man that generates as much excitement as a pair of boobs? It is not as if they’ve suddenly arrived out of nowhere you know? All warm. All soft. And pleasing to touch! New toys for the beautiful generations to play with! To make it more interesting, you get them in various
shapes and sizes.
“My fIrst fascination with boobs started in my second year in secondary school. I was only 14 then and our housemaid allowed me to do it to her. She must have noticed me lusting after her and decided to take me out of my misery! There I was. a pubescent boy confronted with a pair of bosoms. She was huge. Just huge! I had never seen a pair of boobs like hers in all my life. And I’d seen my mother’s and my elder sister’s. Her own (the maid’s) just bulged from everywhere. Over. Under, Between. Great trembling folds of flesh like a set jelly that you shake around. Terrific! You could put your head between them and blot out the world!
“She never bothered to keep them under wraps either. always throwing open her wrapper to re-tie! She taught me how to hold them. Kiss them. the biggest ice cream ever invented! It was years later that I wondered where she learnt the tricks from – my dad or my brother? Like I said. the housemaid made sure that I enjoyed the wonder of her boobs. She wriggled as I eagerly followed her lead. The heat of the excitement I felt sent a shock right through my school-boy’s body. I was a man. I had made it! Her buba opened and wrapper tossed aside with careless abandon. I held my first whole woman cushion against my chest and I was drunk with lust.
“And I think I hung on to her breasts all the way through my bumbling sex act. Hung on like my whole life depended on it. Eyes screwed tight and shut in ecstatic wonder, I had absolutely no technique. But we got by. From that day on. I was hooked. I stole food and money for her and gladly helped with some of her chores – and she was generously grateful! Muti (that’s the maid’s name), wherever you are today. I thank you for my first launch through space. Since her. and that was a couple of decades back. I’d been hooked on boobs. If you haven’t got them. forget it. Having no boobs is like having a bottle of wine without a cork-screw – how do you get to enjoy the wine?”
In case you men out there have conveniently forgotten. boobs are not really for your benefits, you know? Actually, they are to nourish your offsprings into responsible adults.’ Instead of latching on to your partner’s boobs all of the time, consider the poor mite
for whose sole purpose the boobs are intended.
“I’m a boobs man” Ike, a mechanical engineer bragged. ‘and when my wife had our first son, I became jealous of him. Her boobs were fun and oozing milk and he was attached to her chest, sucking away with careless abandon. Could breast milk be tastier than the milk we all knew? Why was the baby in such rapture – over his milk? I was itching to find out. That night. I crawled up to my wife in bed. sort out her boobs and tried sucking them as our son did, hoping to get as much pleasure as he did from her milk. “Yuck!,
the milk tasted very unpalatable and I almost spit it out. What could anyone find enjoyable in that?” I g ently reminded him that boobs are to provide infants with nourishment, not give grown-up kids the time of their life...........
javablaze®™
Check Out The Chinese Version Of Range Rover, So Cute! (Photos) - Car Talk
Range Rover must be pissed off. Earlier this year, China unveiled a car that looks exactly like the Range Rover and named it Land Wind...and people have already started buying.
A Nigerian @ItsDolapo shared the photos above and wrote 'So my guy in china sent me this. China is dangerous. They made a range rover replica & named it Land Wind
Beware Of This Message Being Circulated By BVN Fraudsters
I just got this message this morning from this number asking me to call, when i called the man who picked ask me to send him my BVN number and some other sensitive information. To cut the long story short, I lost my Atm card and I applied for a new one which hasn't come yet so I wonder.... PLEAsE BEWARE OF THIS METHOD.
Sunday, 13 December 2015
Signed: M@jo® Fⓔⓨⓘfunmi (®td) Acting Chairman Elders Statesman Kenneth Mellanby Hall. University of Ibadan.
I hope you have a wonderful day and that the year ahead is filled with much love, many wonderful surprises and gives you lasting memories that you will cherish in all the days ahead. Happy Birthday.
On this special day, i wish you all the very best, all the joy you can ever have and may you be blessed abundantly today, tomorrow and the days to come! May you have a fantastic birthday and many more to come... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
God bless sir
My name is Adegbembo Feyifunmi O. People call me M@jo® Fⓔⓨⓘfunmi(®td) other calls JAGABAN. I was born on 13th December. A 300l student of the department of computer science of the premier UNIVERSITY, UNIVERSITY of IBADAN. When I say am a student of Computer Science, I mean I am a programmer. My favorite language is JAVA but still I can use HTML, PHP, FORTRAN, MATLAB, ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE and JAVASCRIPT efficiently. Apart from programming, I am an active member of the UNIVERSITY OF IBADAN STUDENT'S UNION. Also I play basketball, table tennis and I love meeting friends, girls especially, travelling and reading programming books.
Social network details:
IG: major__feyifunmi
Whatsapp no: 08109023984
FB: Adegbembo Oluwafeyifunmi
Twitter: odunayo190
Political details:
Member Mellanby Hall Legislative Council, (HLC)Ui
Chairman Disciplinary Committee(HLC)
Acting Chairman. Elders statesmen. Mellanby Hall Ui.
Active Member SU UI
Politics ain't dirty if we have the right people playing politics.
Adegbembo Feyifunmi
Adegbembo Feyifunmi
Department Comp Sci
Level 300l
Programming language java
HTML
Php...........
From the office of the ®td General, M@jo® G£N£®@L Fⓔⓨⓘfunmi, I say a big thank you to all my fans, friends, brothers, sisters, aunties and all other mighty personalities for all the well wishes, calls, messages, flashing, (pouring of water by mellanbites). You all really made my day. God bless you all...
Signed:
M@jo® Fⓔⓨⓘfunmi (®td)
Acting Chairman Elders Statesman
Kenneth Mellanby Hall.
University of Ibadan.
To Love And Leave. (story Series) - Literature
The past three month has been very hectic for me, endless hours of lectures and an even longer hours of staying behind in class to read and understand what the lecturer just taught. It's my first year in the University and i feel the pressure already. I could have chosen to spend my time partying like most of my other colleagues but that's just not an option for me, i'm here to get a degree and make my mother proud, that and nothing else.
I quickly got up from bed, looked at my roommate, Michael, as loud as the alarm was, i bet he didn't hear it. You see Micheal can sleep through an earthquake, he sleeps 9pm every night and wakes up 10am in the morning and by 2pm he takes a nap again, he never misses his sleeps like he misses his lectures. I ran to the bathroom and wash up and in 20mins i was ready to leave. i carried my already packed luggage, looked around the room to see if i haven't forgotten anything, i better not forget a thing, I'll be away for 6weeks. That's all we got for our first semester break.
I decided i need to wake Michael up, i tapped him and that had no effect so i tapped again, this time a little harder like i was beating a drum
Me: Michael! Ogbeni! wake up, i don they go lasgidi
Michael: (yearning ) why you con wake me up ? shey na me go drive you go ni?
Me: I just wanted to say goodbye
Michael: Mr. man dey go jare, bye bye! no wake me again o if you know sey you wan reach lasgidi in peace.
He turnes his back and before long he was snoring again. Michael is a final year student and i still wonder how he got there even with all the sleeping. i got out of the house and took a bike to the park and i was the last passenger, i paid and within 15 minutes we were already on the lagos/Ibadan expressway. My school, University of Ibadan has used up all the energy i had so i couldnt wait to go home, i couldnt wait to see my mom and brother, Wale. I have missed them all. But most importantly, i couldn't wait to see Bidemi Adegboye! the girl who has had my heart for more than a year now, i have seen alot of girls in school but none has made me feel the way Bidemi makes me feel, she's everything i want in a girl and she's almost perfect and maybe this time when i get home i'll finally have the courage to walk up to her and tell her how i really feel about her.
The trip ended faster than i expected and in no time i was in front of our house and knocking on the door, Wale opened and screamed my name
Wale: Dolapo ooooo!
Me: Wale oooooo
We both bust into laughter and shook hands. Wale who is 2 years younger than me has been my best friend since ever. Though we fight alot, especially at those times he forgets that i am his older brother and therefore deserves to be respected. He's almost as tall as i am so to him, the 2 years gap doesn't matter to him and often time he got punched in the mouth when he brings it up
Mom came out of the kitchen and had that priceless smile every son wishes to recieve from his mother. i postrated as i approached her
Me: Ekule Mummy (greetings)
Mom: Dolapo! Kaabo omo mi! Bawo ni irin ajo re (Dolapo! welcome my son! How was your trip)
Me: Fine o mummy
Mom:Thank God! i know you're hungry, go and wash up, the Semo and Efo riro soup is almost ready
I have.dreamt of my mom's soup for weeks in school, i couldn't wait to devour it and leave no remnants. Wale and I went inside our room. Our house is just a two bedroom flat, that's all my mom could afford and for a widow, no one can blame her.
I was a year and half old when Father died, Mom was pregnant with Wale. I remembered just a few details of Father, i remember i always sit on his lap and watch Sesame streets every Saturday morning. Father loved to listen to the news but would. sit with as i watched my cartoons.He gave his name, Dolapo Martins Jr. I miss him everyday. He died in a ghastly motor accident, i was asleep when the news came, Mom screamed on top of her voice and no one could hold her down. Just 3 weeks after Father died some of my uncles drove Mother out of the house accusing her of using witchcraft to kill her husband.
Growing up was hard, we moved from places. It was especially hard for mother because Father didnt allow her to work, he worked hard and provided for his wife, son and unborn child. Mom gave birth to Wale 6 months after Father died, all he heard was stories about his father and pictures to see what he looked like. Mom was between jobs for years but finally when i was 12 she got a job as an accountant in a company, she spends her earnings just to take care of her two sons who eats like gluttons.
Wale snapped me out of my thinking with one of his numerous and annoying questions.
Wale: Dolly P! how the girls for UI
(Wale is only 17 but i know he's spoken to or dated more girls than i could dream of)
Me: You this boy! when you get admission, you go see them yourself
Wale: I cant wait o, now that i have passed my WAEC na only Jamb remain
>Me: just prepare for it well o, we cant afford to disappoint Mom abeg
Wale: Trust me now.. i sabi book pass you
Me: My friend Shut up !!
<mWale: I'm not your friend! my friend!!
>(We both laughed at how silly we looked)
Me: (clears throat) so Wale tell me now, how far with Bidemi ??
Wale: (laughing) see you o! Mr lover lover. siddon there! you don miss show plenty
>Me: (curious) Abeg gist me, wetin happen...
>Wale: Na long story o, i no get time
<mMe: cut the story short na, summerise am
Wale: (clears throat) listen wella cause i no go repeat am again
Me: Oya ooo.... i dey hear you
Wale: Ok na!! Bidemi dated Femi who also dated and slept with kikelomo her sister and at the same time asking Ruka out!!
Me: (confused) Ehnnnn! I swear down i no understand you
Wale: (laughing) na your wahala be that. Woh food is ready, i'm going to eat (stood up and left the room)
The truth is i heard everything he said. I know femi, bidemi, kike and Ruka, they are the rich kids of our street, they all live in those big duplex houses with gates. I know Femi , we never spoke with eachother, He has rich parents and better looking than I am so there is a stint of pride in him that i could never bare. Before i got admitted to school, i've seen him a couple of times with Bidemi but it was all just mere friendship then and now i was in school for just 3 months and all that changed.
When we moved into the street 16months ago, i had set my eyes on a particularly beautiful girl, Bidemi. But i could never walk up to her, she's from a rich background and i didn't know how to get her attention. I almost talked to her few days before i went to school, she was walking down the street alone, carrying a nylon bag that she was flinging carelessly. i was walking behind her still asking God to give me the courage to chat her up. The nylon bag flew off her hand and the apples in it rolled around in the sand. "This is my moment >" I said to myself, i walked faster picking the fallen apples, vigorously running after the apples which wouldn't stop rolling away, one apple almost fell into the drainage, i made a quick dash, grabbed the apple and gbam! i fell inside the dirty water. I felt like a hero but all this time, Bidemi was looking at me in disbelieve. I stepped out of the drainage, soaked up and looked up at her
Bidemismiling) Thanks but you shouldn't have bothered yourself. Those apples are spoilt already, i was actually going to throw them away. Anyways, thank you!
She turned and left before i could say a word. i looked down at the apples and noticed they are indeed spoilt. Damn! i fell inside a gutter just to save bad apples so i can impress a girl! F*ck me!! I was drenched in dirty water!
"Dolapo!!!! Your food is ready o come and eat
Sighs! Starting tomorrow, i have to summon courageto walk up to Bidemi and have a conversation with her, i know i have to, i just have to. Haven decided that, i made my way to the dinning table before Mom calls out again..
......javablaze
~To be Continued ~
Breaking: Efcc Quizzes Goodluck Jonathan! (sizzling Details Inside) - Jokes
I got this from somewhere..
EFCC: Sir, did u give this order? GEJ: No. EFCC: Is this your signature? GEJ: I don't sign, I thumbprint. EFCC: But we always see u with NASS people when you're signing budget? GEJ: Budget? What you're showing me here, is this budget? EFCC: Do you know Dasuki? GEJ: Know as in how? EFCC: Did you appoint him? GEJ: IBB did. EFCC: But you were the President? GEJ: So what OBJ appointed me too. EFCC: What? You were elected sir? GEJ: By who? Can you swear with your mother's grave that you voted for me? EFCC: Okay sir. Do you know Okonjo Iweala. GEJ: World Bank appointed her. EFCC: But she wrote you concerning Dasuki's request on Abacha loot. GEJ: World Bank wrote IBB on Abacha, how that one take concern me EFCC: Sir, do you know that $2.1b was squandered in this saga?? GEJ: $2.1 Where dem see am? EFCC: HA! Sir, you have been indicted. GEJ: For wetin now? I didn't give anyone money and nobody gave me money. EFCC: Dokpesi said you gave him a publicity contract of N2.2b? GEJ: Dokpesi na IBB boy and na hin and Odili dey do business. If Dasuki say hin give Dokpesi money.. e fit possible. ..na IBB dey pay IBB. EFCC: So what is your own responsibility as the President? GEJ: Thank you, now you're talking. My main job is to issue condolence messages to victims of terror, no one can fault me on that. I Also stopped ebola, if not, you will not be here asking me silly questions. EFCC: Thank you sir, we will still call you later. Do you care for coffee or tea? GEJ: You guys don't know me at all. Me tea?? Coffee A beg give me ogogoro! EFCC: Why ogogoro GEJ: You know see as journalists full your gate outside??. Na me dem wan see.....by the time I shack something, I will even deny that I come here right in front of your gate!!!
Indomie N Pepsi Will Be Using Style To Insult Nigerians - Jokes
.....1st it was Indomie hungry Man size.
& now pepsi Long throat bottle.
Very soon we Will b seeing
Gala " ole size"
chin chin "olojukokoro pack"
Egg row "awuff size"
Lacasara " thief bottle"
Biscuit. "olonje iya size"
Bobo juice "overbele full pikin"
Fanmilk "agbero size"...
God Pass All This Companies.. Indomie n Pepsi will be using Style to insult Nigerians,
.....1st it was Indomie hungry Man size.
& now pepsi Long throat bottle.
Very soon we Will b seeing
Gala " ole size"
chin chin "olojukokoro pack"
Egg row "awuff size"
Lacasara " thief bottle"
Biscuit. "olonje iya size"
Bobo juice "overbele full pikin"
Fanmilk "agbero size"...
God Pass All This Companies..
Your Iq - Jokes Etc - by javablaze™
[center]Test for Dementia
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are,
Ready? GO!!!
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!
Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?
Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are, ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
V ery tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right,
, Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He just has to open his mouth and ask,
It's really very simple, Like you!
PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
NLDERS
[/center]
10 Excuses Unserious Students Often Give When They Have Carry Over
Here are the excuses given by unserious students when they are victims of carry over
Lemme go straight to the point without wasting your precious time
10 Excuses Unserious Students Often Give When They Have Carry Over
1. Because I Refused to Date him
Ladies I throway salute oooo! The females would say that ''it was because I turned down his dating proposal, even though the lecturer never approached her for such or never knew of her existence in the department. Therefore, he resorted to fail me'' .
2. Because I dint Allow him Snatch my Babe
As funny as it may also sound, I have overheard a student saying a lecturer deliberately give him a CO because he deprived the lecturer of his girlfriend's kitty-cat. Last semester, I get one padi wey dey follow my lecturer drag babe. Though he passed his course but guess what ? He scored 40
3. Witches and Wizards are Disturbing my Life
Funny right? As funny as it may sound, some religious bigot students always attribute their failure (carry-over) on the witches and Wizards in their village who don't even know the course they are studying.. I used to be in this category before God delivered me from the spirit of laziness
4. Because I refused to Bribe the Lecturer
I guess you must have also overheard some students saying this statement in order not to look like olodo. When they bag carry overs, they will lie that the lecturers deliberately failed them for refusing to pay
5. Because the invigilators were too Strict
Some set of unserious students will apply formation to their sitting position when they are in exam hall for easier dissemination of information, and when the invigilators rearrange them in such a way that they never evisaged, it is obviously a carry over. This would result to blaming their carry over on the invigilators who distorted plans of free flow of information in the exam hall
6. The course is very tedious/too bulky
This excuse is very common among students who often don't know their primary aim of schooling or who prioritize other trivial activities over their studies. Routinely, you would hear them saying that "how would I waste my time on that boring yet bulky material when I could parley and sit beside the scholars in my class and manoeuvre my way out". This set of students normally pray that even if it is 'E' the lecturer would give them, they would be happy to have it.
7. The Lecturer didn't give us area of concentration
Some students are lazy yet unserious, after the lecturer rounded off the course, they would be like sir, "what are the area of concentration?" And failure to divulge such confidential, which might eventually lead to their failure would make them tag the lecturer a wicked fellow. Even some laid-back students would still fail the course even though the lecturer gave them area of concentration
8. The Lecturer is not Qualified
I've got friends who always claim to have read something different from the ones asked in the exam. They would be like ''I never thought the question is gonna come out, so I skipped it when reading'' They will say that "this yeye lecturer is incompetent and doesn't know how to set exam questions, I wonder who employed him as a lecturer"
9. Because I didn't Purchase his handout
Don't get me wrong here. Even the ones that submitted blank answer booklets will lie that their failure was as a result of failure to purchase the lecturer's handout
10. Because I was Ill
Even though they were medically balanced during the exam period, they would lie that they were having HIV/Ebola symptoms during the exam, which prevented them from reading. These ones will always console themselves with quotes like "I may graduate with third class, but I will employ first class students as errand boys"
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